I have been very busy fulfilling beading commitments and lately I have not had a lot of time to sit and play with beads. Since these commitments have been slowly fulfilled and taken off the 'to do' list
I now sit at my bead mat, look at all the abandoned sample pieces and ask myself
"what would I like to make now?"
I wouldn't have a clue !!!
I have sat there, I have sat there and I have sat there.
I have taken samples, pulled them apart and put the beads away, just to give myself something to do.
I have opened drawers of finished items and looked at them - asking myself "how the hell did I make this one?" "Do I want to make another?" Nah - that was then this is now!!
I have been in this space before - no design ideas flowing. Not knowing what to make, not liking what I do attempt to make, wanting a new direction, not knowing what that direction is.
I occupy my time, putting new beads away, tidying up my bead table - all in the hope something will trigger an idea.
The longer I am in this space the more it begins to affect my mood. I find I become short tempered, irritable, the cat gets yelled at - even though the cat is the cat and doesn't change from one day to the next!!!
It is me and I am disgruntled, I lose patience with other things, and I just begin to feel, lost, directionless, not very fulfilled. I worry that maybe my design mojo will not return.
Heaven forbid !!!
Who would have thought that beading governs so much of my everyday life?
Is it the beading that governs?? or is it that small part of my day whereby I shut out the rest of life and immerse myself in "the NOW" - like the buddhists say we should do each day - meditate.
When I bead I am totally focussed on what is in my hand, what I am creating - immersed in the NOW.
Am I missing the beading, the making of something new, or am I missing that time whereby
I live in the moment?
To me it is a combination of both. A combination of time out (from life) to play (and create).
That is what I am missing, causing me to feel unfulfilled.
BUT - there is good news!
Whenever I have been in this space before - and there have been a few times - when my mojo is ready to flow again, generally new passion is forthcoming.
I am looking forward to it so in the meantime, I deconstruct and tidy, making ready for the Mojo!