Gratitude and some soul searching

I have just watched the movie "Julie and Julia" for probably the fifth or sixth time. I do enjoy this movie and the characters are so well played by Meryl Streep and Amy Adams - if you haven't seen it make the effort, it is a "feel good" movie.

As I watched Julie writing her blog, it occurred to me how irregular I have been in my own blog writing. When I first began this blog I went from 29 posts in 2010, to 95 posts in 2012, to only 12 posts in 2014. So far this year I have done 13, certainly an improvement on 2014. I ask myself what happened with my regularity?

I can account for some drop in posts. In 2012 I didn't write tutorials. In 2014 I started writing tutorials.

Writing tutorials takes a great deal of time. Every step for making the beaded item needs to be illustrated, along with the instructions being concisely worded for ease of understanding. It can take a whole week to complete a tutorial. The tutorial for 'Ananas' pictured alongside took me 46 hours to illustrate and write. That is a weeks work for some. And to think I have done all that work and not been paid - at least not been paid yet!!

So writing tutorials takes you away from beading/designing and accounts for some of the drop in my blog postings.

What else has contributed to fewer postings? I look at all the posts in 2012 and notice I was sharing all the items I made as well as sharing the "works in progress".

I no longer share my W.I.P. and the reason being - I was copied ! - before I even had a chance to write the tutorial. That tends to put a sour taste in my mouth and has made me a lot more guarded as to what I share these days. So now I make a design, write a tutorial, then share what I have made - the spontaneity has been taken out of my passion!!  and the passion has been taken out of my spontaneity!!
I am sad this has happened.

I started beading with the idea that maybe I could earn a few extra dollars to subsidise my retirement. I didn't know I would be okay at it, I didn't know I would write instructions for creating my designs and I didn't know these instructions would be sold around the world. I also didn't know I would be in demand to travel and teach.

All these things contribute to a new career for me, one I never expected to be living.….at this late age!!
I know, I know, you are only as old as you feel. I don't feel old, I still feel spritely and have a good outlook on life. I am now approaching 66, an age I expected to be slowing down, an age for pottering around the garden and maintaining my home. Two things that have sadly been neglected for a couple of years.

I have worked for 49 years - that is a lot of working!!

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I love beading, I love getting up each morning and I love sitting in the quiet and playing with beads. My love of beading will never change. The dilemma I am facing is "Do I want a new career?" "Do I want my life to speed up when I expected to be slowing down?"

So now that I have poured out my thoughts, I am asking what is the point of this post?

I am wanting to share with those aspiring designers/teachers out there in cyberland that there is a LOT of things to come up against, to learn, to process through, to decide, to consider, to define and a lot more work than I ever expected. Some of it is fantastic, some of it is exhausting and time consuming.

I guess I am trying to communicate that when you fall in love with something that you are passionate about, the Universe supports passion!  I honestly can affirm this. My passion has been supported every step of the way and has brought me to this stage in my life….and a pretty good stage to be in!!

I am most grateful for this journey. I feel the next steps are just beginning. But!! where do I want them to go? How do I want them to be?  Faster or Slower??

Only time will tell.